有时候，家里就是会这样静得让人害怕。
在家乡，不管一个人在家多久，都不曾有过这种感觉。
在这里，我慢慢适应不了安静。
有个人在身边安静地做自己的事情，总好过没有人的安静。
至少知道自己不是一个人。
一个人本来可以很好的，
可是一个人的孤独就抵不过。
就快要忘了当初决定出来这里的原因，
被所谓的孤独埋没了。
就快忘了需要改变自己，
自己根本没准备好，
就被吓着了。
最初的心愿，没法完成。
发觉自己正在慢慢的坠落，
快看不到眼前的光明了。
我已经不在乎了。
不在乎自己的成败，
不在乎自己对课业的野心，
不在乎自己多么被重视。
每天都在数着，
回家的日子。
从来没有停止过。
庆幸的是，一个星期的时间，
过得真的很快，
它没让我等太久。
我开始觉得自己不适合这个城市，
在这里，我没能发挥我的所长，
在这里，我没有可以展现的一面。
什么都帮不上忙。
才踏出一步，却又胆怯地退后两步。
何时才能解脱？
放弃的念头在每当伤心的时刻闪过，
它一直在凝视着我，
我假装看不见。
假装它不曾出现。
这种感觉一旦出现，
我就开始破碎，
直到我看不见自己，
在这黑暗的角落，
我，
将会慢慢消失。
谁来拉我一把？
把我从可怕的深洞里拉上来，
重心享受太阳的光芒。
适者生存。
Monday, 14 July 2014
Friday, 4 July 2014
错▪对
已经那么久了，也该习惯了。
不知道自己是否做错了决定，可是真的很庆幸当时没有不顾一切跑到国外留学。
我清楚自己还没做足准备，如果当时我去了，现在该是怎么样的生活呢？享受 痛苦 又或者是精彩的生活？情况应该不会比现在好吧？到了那里，我面对的，会是更多的不安。
大致上，一切都平稳了，只不过情绪有时还是漂浮不定，课业繁重时还是会有想逃避的感觉，考试来临时还是会感到压力。充实的每一天，其实也蛮不错的，只是偶尔，又多想了。回想那些日子，忙忙碌碌，想做自己的事情的时间都没有，就感到很不值得，很不甘心。青春，本来就该好好利用，可是这样一直都忙于课业，又有什么意思？
以前单纯的以为，我可以安安稳稳地活在自己的世界，外面的竞争多大，压力有大，都不用去理睬，我以为，只要超越自己就可以了，原来不是的。自卑感，会涌然而来。自卑感，会把你一层层压下去。
看到别人的辉煌成就，我只有羡慕的份。看到别人的才华，我才发觉自己是那么的无能，我的天分，似乎不在这个领域。看到每个人都有自己的天分，能潇洒地发挥，我真后悔以前为什么没有学些技能，当初为何在音乐路上半途而废。
打从一开始，真的觉得自己跟他们格格不入，该死的自卑感让我一直抬不起头。
明明说好了，要改变自己，
明明说好了，要从新开始，活出更新鲜的人生，
明明说好了，不管怎样，都得坚持下去，
明明说好了，不管生活得怎样，都不许哭。
明明答应了自己，可是就是做不到。
那是就一直告诉自己，我错了，我做错了决定。如果当初，我有自知之明，如果当初，没有想那么多，没有把只看了一次的学校，就深深被吸引而决定放下一切去那里的决定改变，现在又会是什么情况呢？
我清楚、我明白，每一间学校都是一样的。在这里面对的问题，去到哪里都一样会面对。可能只是不会把自己的自卑心加重吧。可能……
每一天，都在 ”熬“日子，希望星期五快点到来。时间就这样一天一天的过，一个星期真的眨眼就过去了。这样也不是办法吧？时间一直过，我真的不知道自己除了功课、读书、偶尔看戏以外，还做了些什么？
明明说好了，要改变自己，
明明说好了，要从新开始，活出更新鲜的人生，
明明说好了，不管怎样，都得坚持下去，
明明说好了，不管生活得怎样，都不许哭。
明明答应了自己，可是就是做不到。
那是就一直告诉自己，我错了，我做错了决定。如果当初，我有自知之明，如果当初，没有想那么多，没有把只看了一次的学校，就深深被吸引而决定放下一切去那里的决定改变，现在又会是什么情况呢？
我清楚、我明白，每一间学校都是一样的。在这里面对的问题，去到哪里都一样会面对。可能只是不会把自己的自卑心加重吧。可能……
每一天，都在 ”熬“日子，希望星期五快点到来。时间就这样一天一天的过，一个星期真的眨眼就过去了。这样也不是办法吧？时间一直过，我真的不知道自己除了功课、读书、偶尔看戏以外，还做了些什么？
到现在，还真的有点想放弃的念头。心一直会被一件件小小的事情牵动，每当触动，心就动摇一下，放弃的念头就闪过。还好，每次跟朋友聊了一下，心情就比较舒服些。
错了决定吗？好像真的有点错。勉强把自己放在一个不适合自己的地方，是折磨，还是种锻炼？我说服不了自己，是锻炼。
错了决定吗？好像真的有点错。勉强把自己放在一个不适合自己的地方，是折磨，还是种锻炼？我说服不了自己，是锻炼。
下一次，不能再让自己做错决定，要让生活精彩，就不能让自己痛苦，我知道这条路不容易，但我希望能顺顺利利走完这一段。下一段，不会再让自己错了。
一次够了，绝对不能再让自己错多一次。
Thursday, 19 June 2014
心情
怎么突然觉得全世界好像静止了？全世界好像只留下我一个人。好可怕。
孤单的时候，我想起了什么？ 想起以前的快乐时光。
孤单的时候，我想起了谁？ 家人朋友。
在外的父亲，还在忙吗？在家的母亲，一个人吗？在外国的哥哥嫂嫂，生活好吗？姐姐，还在玩弄眉毛吗？弟，还在玩电脑吗？我在想着你们。家乡的朋友姐妹，你们此时在干嘛？是不是也觉得世界好像停止了？你们有空吗？好想听听你们的声音。
什么时候，我害怕起了孤单
什么时候，我不再喜欢一个人的世界
什么时候，念书时不再喜欢寂静的环境什么时候，不管有没有事做，总爱开着音乐，尽量不让周围寂静
我以为自己不怕一个人的孤单寂寞，可能我错了。走近阳台，往外看，高速公路上的车依然川流不息，只是太远了，我看到车辆在动，却听不见声音。对面的高楼天灯依然亮着，静静地，我以为自己可以很享受地看戏，看个天翻地覆，可是一坐下来，我才发觉，我做不到。人就是那么矛盾，忙的时候只想要休息，真正休息时却觉得自己很孤单。
以后，会想尽办法不让关爱的人孤单，因为这种感觉真的很不好受。也会尽量让自己不孤单。要忙的东西其实很多，却没有心情去搭理。
Monday, 16 June 2014
新生活，不合我意！
不知不觉，离开家已经有6个星期多了，时间过得总是很快，在迅雷不及掩耳下，就流失了六个星期的时间了。
当初，不知道自己的选择是否正确。
给自己很多正能量，希望可以坚持下去。
后悔来到这里，一开始在脑海中闪过的句子。
坦白说，到现在，还是不太享受这里的日子。
不对，应该说，不太享受这样的日子。
课程太拥挤，歇一歇的机会都没有。
节奏太快的生活，我没有办法适应。
总之，就是，折磨，煎熬，痛苦！
面对生活中的一大转变，我没能好好处理。不断告诉自己，要坚强。坚强，做到了吗？坚持……希望能够做到。
一直，都没能好好适应生活中的转折。从小六到中一，从中三到中四，从中五到大一。
真的很不能适应这里的生活！就快疯了，这不是我想要的生活。某个瞬间，我想逃离这里，某个瞬间，我想提出这个荒谬的要求，某个瞬间，我提醒自己要坚持和坚强。某天，我抱着能离开这里的希望，期待着某天的到来……
逆境……
第一个印象，真的超级十分非常不喜欢这里，总觉得这里的水准太高了，容不下习惯了简单生活的我。
生活压力太大了，不适合曾经因压力而崩溃的我。
不适合总爱有人依靠的自己。
独来独往的生活，真的不是我想要过的。
可是在这陌生的城市，别无选择。陌生的城市，陌生的脸孔，陌生的“家人”。
学会了忍受独自生活的落寞，独自上下课，一个人的早、午、晚餐。一个人面对墙壁发呆，一个人看戏，一个人笑，笑完后才发觉自己那么孤单，没有能分享那短暂的快乐，一个人独自承受种种压力。
这种时候，需要的是一个了解我的人，陪在身边，陪我度过对我而言非常艰难的日子。BFF, 真的很想念有你们在身边的日子，被你们欺负，被你们玩弄。想念你们的笑声，那傻傻的表情，那傻傻的举动，哪怕是一点点淡淡的记忆，都牵动我的心。
这段日子，感激家人和朋友的陪伴。在这个艰难时期，多亏有你们，我的安心指数维持在平衡点之上，偶尔。
想说，
那个在我孤单时听我诉苦的你，
那个在我独自难过时陪我虚度光阴的你，
那个在忙碌时抽空关心我的你，
那个关心我吃不饱睡不着的你，
那个要我晚上回到家发简讯报平安的你，
那个不断称赞我很勇敢的你。
有你们，真好！♥
我其实并不勇敢，但我必须勇敢。
我不能不坚强，因为我没有了依靠。
我必须主持自己的生活，但我拿不到满意的讲稿。
我必须学会成长，但我做不到。
当初，不知道自己的选择是否正确。
给自己很多正能量，希望可以坚持下去。
后悔来到这里，一开始在脑海中闪过的句子。
坦白说，到现在，还是不太享受这里的日子。
不对，应该说，不太享受这样的日子。
课程太拥挤，歇一歇的机会都没有。
节奏太快的生活，我没有办法适应。
总之，就是，折磨，煎熬，痛苦！
面对生活中的一大转变，我没能好好处理。不断告诉自己，要坚强。坚强，做到了吗？坚持……希望能够做到。
一直，都没能好好适应生活中的转折。从小六到中一，从中三到中四，从中五到大一。
真的很不能适应这里的生活！就快疯了，这不是我想要的生活。某个瞬间，我想逃离这里，某个瞬间，我想提出这个荒谬的要求，某个瞬间，我提醒自己要坚持和坚强。某天，我抱着能离开这里的希望，期待着某天的到来……
逆境……
第一个印象，真的超级十分非常不喜欢这里，总觉得这里的水准太高了，容不下习惯了简单生活的我。
生活压力太大了，不适合曾经因压力而崩溃的我。
不适合总爱有人依靠的自己。
独来独往的生活，真的不是我想要过的。
可是在这陌生的城市，别无选择。陌生的城市，陌生的脸孔，陌生的“家人”。
学会了忍受独自生活的落寞，独自上下课，一个人的早、午、晚餐。一个人面对墙壁发呆，一个人看戏，一个人笑，笑完后才发觉自己那么孤单，没有能分享那短暂的快乐，一个人独自承受种种压力。
这种时候，需要的是一个了解我的人，陪在身边，陪我度过对我而言非常艰难的日子。BFF, 真的很想念有你们在身边的日子，被你们欺负，被你们玩弄。想念你们的笑声，那傻傻的表情，那傻傻的举动，哪怕是一点点淡淡的记忆，都牵动我的心。
这段日子，感激家人和朋友的陪伴。在这个艰难时期，多亏有你们，我的安心指数维持在平衡点之上，偶尔。
想说，
那个在我孤单时听我诉苦的你，
那个在我独自难过时陪我虚度光阴的你，
那个在忙碌时抽空关心我的你，
那个关心我吃不饱睡不着的你，
那个要我晚上回到家发简讯报平安的你，
那个不断称赞我很勇敢的你。
有你们，真好！♥
我其实并不勇敢，但我必须勇敢。
我不能不坚强，因为我没有了依靠。
我必须主持自己的生活，但我拿不到满意的讲稿。
我必须学会成长，但我做不到。
Tuesday, 27 May 2014
*Rui En, My Idol*
I'm very happy that i can finish watching Star Award 2014 (anniversary tv award for media organization outstanding performance ) before I start my lesson in IMU after a long holiday. This is what I wonder that I cannot watch this in the accommodation due to lack of time and cannot access to Internet. Well, I'm very grateful because the bad thing doesn't happen. (*^__^*) . I'm a fan of Singapore's drama and I like Singapore as well. Reason? Ok, Singapore is my dream country as we could not see rubbish everywhere except the dried leaves on the roadside but Singaporean told me that someone will clear it. As we know, Singapore is a country that the rate of criminal is low. You know, We always concern about our safely. Anyway, that is just my opinion.
Go into the topic, to be frankly, I spend about 4 hours to watch the show online is just because a person, Rui En ^^ Ok, she is my idol. I like her so much o(≧v≦)o . She is a talented actress and she works so hard for the good performance. She has been selected as one of the 7 princesses in the tv industry call xinmsn.
xinmsn 7 princesses
In the early stage, audience do not comment more on Rui En. She isn't the most beautiful or most talented between 7 of them but she proved that she is in year 2012. Year over years, she has gained a significant pool of fans,(I become her fan around 2010 O(∩_∩)O ) but I didn't join her fans club) . She started to win 10 Most Popular Female Artiste 2005 onward. Besides, that is very surprise that she won 3 consecutive Most Favourite Female Character over 4 nominators! It's so fantastic. The award is the result of online voting by Singaporean. RBKD, the loyalty fans club of Rui En putting so much affort to vote for her. We can know how famous is she in Singapore by the consecutive winning of this award. In year 2011, she won her first Best Actress in the drama With You. Her role in this drama is a widow, she said that she almost cry everyday and the audience can see she cry in every screen! I say, Rui En you deserve it.
Rui En cry screen in With You
The drama, Unriddle 2, guided her toward the road of succeed. She won the Best Actress again in Star Award 2012 and her first Asian Television Award nomination and award in Best Actress in a Leading Role! Well done, Rui En! She also won consecutive Favourite On-screen couple with Alvin Ng and their fans call this group as "RuiVin", how lovely is the name of this group. "RuiVin" is the combination of both their name.
Rui En and Alvin Ng as most favourite On-Screen in Unriddle 2!
But in fact, I like this couple. Rui En and Dai Yang Tian! He looks good right? xD
One more photo for my Favourite On-screen Couple! ( ^_^ )
I realised that 2013 is the lucky year for Rui En. This is because she won all the award that nominated including Best Atress award. The moment I felt so proud of being her fans! But I'm quite disappointed because she miss out the Best Actress award, Favourite On-screen couple and Most Favourite Female Character over Jeanette Aw this year! :( Well, it's ok after watching her interview.
I'm very sad when I knew the result and I couldn't sit still to continue watching. I enter Facebook and start to search for the latest news and interview video from Xinmsn. I wish to get more information about her failure in getting the award. I wonder if the votes for Rui En has decreased or the votes for Jeanette Aw increases sharply. I would like to vote for her if I can but unfortunately the vote is only for Singaporean. Anyway, I accept it as well as she can accept. I support her forever!
Among the dramas that Rui En involve in, the drama that I like the most is The Dream Makers as she plays a comedy role in this drama as #fangtongling. There are some funny screen between Rui En and her brother in drama, Dennis Chew. The interaction between both of them make the drama more interesting. This is the first time I see Rui En in different styles. She plays a cute, friendly and optimistic role in this drama. The Fang's sibling bring joy to the audience and their screen is always the most relaxing in this drama.
The Fang's sibling in the drama The Dream Makers
I would like to say that her attitute is always good as it is not easily to find her scandal online or in the newspaper. Rui En does not do kissing or intimate screen. In 2008, she reportedly turned down the lead role in a drama due to a rape screen skript. ( ⊙ .⊙ )Well, someone would say she is not professional at all, but this is who she is. She even give up the involve in international movie due to the intimate screen that she doesn't like.
I like Rui En, because I like the way she is. ❤❤❤
Rui En can sing very well too!
Rui En's fans club - RBKD
How lovely is she in this gown in Star Award 2014! \(≧▽≦)/
Go into the topic, to be frankly, I spend about 4 hours to watch the show online is just because a person, Rui En ^^ Ok, she is my idol. I like her so much o(≧v≦)o . She is a talented actress and she works so hard for the good performance. She has been selected as one of the 7 princesses in the tv industry call xinmsn.
In the early stage, audience do not comment more on Rui En. She isn't the most beautiful or most talented between 7 of them but she proved that she is in year 2012. Year over years, she has gained a significant pool of fans,(I become her fan around 2010 O(∩_∩)O ) but I didn't join her fans club) . She started to win 10 Most Popular Female Artiste 2005 onward. Besides, that is very surprise that she won 3 consecutive Most Favourite Female Character over 4 nominators! It's so fantastic. The award is the result of online voting by Singaporean. RBKD, the loyalty fans club of Rui En putting so much affort to vote for her. We can know how famous is she in Singapore by the consecutive winning of this award. In year 2011, she won her first Best Actress in the drama With You. Her role in this drama is a widow, she said that she almost cry everyday and the audience can see she cry in every screen! I say, Rui En you deserve it.
The drama, Unriddle 2, guided her toward the road of succeed. She won the Best Actress again in Star Award 2012 and her first Asian Television Award nomination and award in Best Actress in a Leading Role! Well done, Rui En! She also won consecutive Favourite On-screen couple with Alvin Ng and their fans call this group as "RuiVin", how lovely is the name of this group. "RuiVin" is the combination of both their name.
One more photo for my Favourite On-screen Couple! ( ^_^ )
Unriddle 2
How cool is Rui En as Hu Xiao Man in Unriddle 2!
I realised that 2013 is the lucky year for Rui En. This is because she won all the award that nominated including Best Atress award. The moment I felt so proud of being her fans! But I'm quite disappointed because she miss out the Best Actress award, Favourite On-screen couple and Most Favourite Female Character over Jeanette Aw this year! :( Well, it's ok after watching her interview.
I'm very sad when I knew the result and I couldn't sit still to continue watching. I enter Facebook and start to search for the latest news and interview video from Xinmsn. I wish to get more information about her failure in getting the award. I wonder if the votes for Rui En has decreased or the votes for Jeanette Aw increases sharply. I would like to vote for her if I can but unfortunately the vote is only for Singaporean. Anyway, I accept it as well as she can accept. I support her forever!
Among the dramas that Rui En involve in, the drama that I like the most is The Dream Makers as she plays a comedy role in this drama as #fangtongling. There are some funny screen between Rui En and her brother in drama, Dennis Chew. The interaction between both of them make the drama more interesting. This is the first time I see Rui En in different styles. She plays a cute, friendly and optimistic role in this drama. The Fang's sibling bring joy to the audience and their screen is always the most relaxing in this drama.
I would like to say that her attitute is always good as it is not easily to find her scandal online or in the newspaper. Rui En does not do kissing or intimate screen. In 2008, she reportedly turned down the lead role in a drama due to a rape screen skript. ( ⊙ .⊙ )Well, someone would say she is not professional at all, but this is who she is. She even give up the involve in international movie due to the intimate screen that she doesn't like.
I like Rui En, because I like the way she is. ❤❤❤
Broad charming Smile☻☺
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